


Fall To Pieces

by PennPayper



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennPayper/pseuds/PennPayper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years have passed since Gail Peck has seen Holly Stewart. The cop has a stable life with a new family. It may not be perfect but she figures it's working. When a chance meeting with the doctor Gail could never forget threatens to destroy it all, Gail finds herself struggling with whether she should keep it together or let it fall apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Science is so cool!”

Gail felt her heart skip at those four words and the simple adoration that drew them out of the child at her side. She said them like they were a part of a song of praise. Gail's body’s reaction took up barely a blip of time, but she still questioned why the reaction happened at all. It came as no shock to her that her daughter loved science. It was why the two of them were spending Gail’s first day off in months at the Science Centre. 

Sophie excelled when it came to math and science. They were really the only two subjects she enjoyed studying. She once told Gail she used it to fuel her hopes of understanding the world one day. Gail secretively believed her daughter really hoped science could explain her past and offer her a future. So she made it a point to nurture Sophie's interest, doing the exact opposite of what she learned from her own mother during her childhood. 

Sophie lead Gail by her hand as they went through the centre’s space exhibit. As the child got lost in its imitation of the night sky, Gail just enjoyed being in the energized presence of the 13-year-old. She only had a few more years before the child she knew and love would start to pull away. She was technically already a teenager. Isn’t that what everyone told her? Isn’t that what happened between her and her own mother?

Gail felt the small hand holding hers loosen its grip before sliding away completely. She mourned its lost but watched silently as Sophie drifted farther into the room on her own. Her daughter wanted to explore, and Gail would try to limit her imagination. She loved that about her. 

Gail was not expecting, nor was she ready, for the husky voice that filtered into her ears. Its hush tones drifted from the far left corner. Its distance did nothing to hinder Gail’s recognition.

“Jodi, I’m not sure your parents would be able to recreate this for your party?” The first few words nearly got lost behind the whirl of the room’s air conditioning. Gail had to perk her ears to hear the rest. While the sentence was nearly lost, the voice could not be any clearer for Gail. She stood frozen, unsure of her next move. 

This was not the first time she had thought she recognized a voice and had been horribly wrong. So wrong that one instance in a park actually made Gail question her sanity. She thought to ignore her intense need to turn around, then she heard a small high-pitched response. 

“But you can talk them into it. Can’t you Aunt Holly? You can talk them into anything.”

Once she heard that name, Gail’s body whipped to the left even before her mind could understand what was happening. It was the one name that made a change in the force of gravity the only possible force that would have stopped Gail from turning. 

Her eyes searched through the dark room until they fell on a woman nearly kneeling before a child. Both of them were partially hidden by the dim lights. Gail could not see her face. And she could only undeniably view about a quarter of her body. But, Gail knew she was watching. Her body temperature spiked upwards. Her mind sharpened. And her heart stilled. She mostly certainly knew.

“Why don’t we wait until we’ve seen all of the exhibits before we talk about ganging up on your parents?” The woman named Holly offered the girl a tilt of her head and a short nod. The girl shrugged as is she had already gotten her way. She seemed to accept the condition. Her attention shifted. Her eyes fell just over Holly’s shoulder and she shrilled. 

“A rocket!” She squealed as she rushed pass Holly. Holly turned, her body relaxed as she watched the girl rush to her newest fascination. Gail slowly exhaled as Holly stepped into view.

A smile illuminated Holly's face as she watched the girl running away. Gail knew she should not stare, yet she could not order her eyes to look away. They stared. They consumed the sight, savoring it as a sommelier would her favorite wine. Holly must have felt the intensity of her stare. She turned to meet Gail’s eyes, and Gail was sure she saw her inhale deeply.

There they were, two women standing on separate sides of one room as children played around them. The echoes of their high pitched conversations filled the air. But for those two women, they stood in a void as quiet as a black hole and as deep. Gail realized the heart skip she felt earlier may not have been at Sophie’s words. Maybe her body was acknowledging a presence that Gail had yet to see. A presence that years ago had changed her life before disappearing from it all together.

Neither woman moved as they watched each other. Gail could not decipher the look on Holly’s face. She wondered if Holly could tell what she was thinking. Time had the ability of removing all that you confidently knew about a person and making them a virtual stranger.

Only Holly did not feel like a stranger. And the feelings rushing through Gail felt as familiar as they did when Gail last felt them with the person standing in front of her. Apparently time could change a lot, but it could not diminish their connection.

Gail stiffened as Holly made the first move towards her. She stepped slowly with an uncertainty that told of their years of separation. Yet it took only seconds for her to arrive before Gail. Her smile was shy, her glance curious.

“Gail?” 

The word floated towards Gail, frail as if any movement could erase them from the atmosphere. Gail nodded, because it was only thing she could think of doing. For years, this woman before her had been a visitor into every single dream. Even now, she sometimes appeared in the night when Gail least expected her. Gail did what she could to let her go, but she could never escape her in her mind.

“Holly, you’re in Toronto.” Gail cringed inside as the words slip from her in a tone of utter awe, as if Toronto was a fairyland visited by invitation only.

“I’m visiting friends.” Holly paused as she let her gaze drift over Gail. Gail knew she was noting the differences. Gail was in simple civilian clothes, jeans and a baseball tee. Her hair no longer clung around her ears. Now it sat lower, just above her shoulders. And she was no longer the bright blonde. Her natural color seemed to peak through darkening her shade of yellow.

Gail was not the only one who had changed. Where her hair was longer, Holly’s was more trimmed. Her jet black locs framed her face with a chic casual look. Her clothes were a tad less laid back than Gail's. Her short sleeve light blue blouse fell perfectly on her frame. And her slim black slacks seem to elongate her already model length legs. 

It was obvious that San Francisco was treating Holly well. The thought cause the buried anger in Gail to simmer to the surface. Luckily, Gail thought she could contain it.

“You look well.” Holly said as her eyes fell back on Gail’s face.

“Yeah, I haven’t been sick at all today.” Gail bit out, then cursed herself for not controlling her emotions better. Holly nodded. Her teeth latched on to a small piece of her inner lips. Gail remembered that she sometimes did that when she was nervous. Gail shifted on her feet, forcing herself to relax.

“You look good, Holly. San Francisco agrees with you.”

Holly gave her a sincere smile. “You also look good. Toronto still fits.”

“I guess.” Gail said with a shrug.

“So… what’s new?” Holly gave a tiny groan and visibly recoiled at her own question. Gail stiffened a smile, while admitting it was an adorable sight.

“I don’t know where to start Holly? Should I start at the first year after you left or the fifth?”

Holly quickly dropped her smile, but she did not have a chance to respond. She was too surprised by the girl running up to Gail and grabbing her hand.

“Mom! I saw this cool rocket!” Sophie chirped as she pulled on Gail’s arm.

“Sophie you know I told you—“

“But I just want one. I can hang from my room and it's only twenty dollars!” Sophie whined. Gail turned firm eyes on the child, but the girl did not relent. So Gail did. She grabbed her wallet and handed the girl her card. In return, Sophie gifted her with a winning smile.

“Just one.” Gail ordered as the child rushed away. The child’s legs came to a swift stop. She turned and shook her head up and down.

“One for me.” She smiled and turned back toward the small shop at the end of the hall. “And one for dad!” She yelled back as she went on her way.

Gail thought the run after her but let her go. This was her day of course. Gail turned back to Holly and saw her staring at her left hand. 

“You’re married?” She said it like a question although she obviously knew the answer. She gave herself a little shake then met Gail’s eyes again.

“Congratulations.” The word sounded as hollow as it made Gail feel.

“Yeah, Chris asked me about four years ago. And Sophie is quite taken with him. I guess we all are.” Gail looked down at her hand. She never really paid attention to the ring that set on her third finger. Today it seemed to change everything.

“Five years later, you have an entirely new life.”

“Time does that.” Gail looked away, desperately searching for a new topic. “So you are visiting friends?”

“Yes,” Holly chuckled. “An old friend called, begging me to help her with her daughter’s birthday party. So here I am.”

“Who knew it was that easy to get you to come home?” Gail snarked then groaned internally. This was not going well at all. She gave a sigh of relief when she saw Sophie walking towards her with a big box. She nearly missed the red-haired girl, who looked about Sophie’s age, following her carrying another box.

“Mom, Jodi said I can come to her birthday party. It’s Saturday. I gave her dad’s rocket as a gift.” Sophie yelled as she latched onto Gail. Gail watched horrified as the other girl latched onto Holly.

“Can Sophie come to my party, Aunt Holly? She gave me a rocket,” the girl begged.

Gail could feel Holly looking at her for assistance, but a reply to her daughter failed to gather in her mouth. Gail was unsure of how she felt about the possibility of spending at least an hour in Holly’s presence. Sure, she suspected plenty of people would be around, but Gail did not kid herself. If Holly and Gail were in a room together she doubted they would be able to avoid each other.

But Gail refused to wipe the hopeful look off Sophie’s face. Finally Holly spoke up.

“Honey, it’s not really up to me. I'm not over the party."

"But they listen to you. Please! She gave me a rocket!"

"A rocket her mother did not say she could buy." Gail reprimanded giving Sophie a stern look.

"You didn't say I couldn't buy one for daddy. That one was his." Sophie rationalized. 

Gail frowned at her daughter but she was not exactly wrong. Gail looked to Holly to be the voice of reason. That voice failed her.

"They've got us completely wrapped, don't they?" Holly chucked.

"Yeah. We are absolutely finger size." Gail shook her head in disgust of their weakness. Holly accepted it with a small sigh.

"She should come to the party. You all should come." She immediately corrected herself. "I haven't seen Chris in years."

Gail let the offer marinate in the air. The very idea of spending time with her caused a funny feeling to inch through her body. Gail had no name for it. She felt nervous and anxious at the same time. 

"Please mom!" Sophie begged. In a move, Gail was absolutely sure she would regret she pulled out her phone and looked to Holly.

"I guess I need some information."

Gail missed the address to the party the first time it was called out. Holly's voice was drown out by the girl's cheers.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait? You hooked up with Holly? Was this today?"

A shirtless Chris looked in the mirror at the reflection of Gail, who sat on the bed in the center of the room. Confusion caused his voice to hitch. Gail leaned against the foot of the bed and massaged her temple. She felt drained, partly because of the day she was experiencing, and the rest because of the day she knew was coming her way.

After she exchanged phone numbers with Holly, Gail and Sophie continued touring the center. While Sophie's excitement never waned, Gail's mind was drowning in the mess that was her past and present. Strange did not begin to describe how it felt exchanging numbers with Holly. 

For a year after Holly left, Gail had kept the same number in case Holly called. She refused to change it even when her plan required it. Changing her number felt like cutting another tie to the woman who lived in a country away but always seemed so close in her heart and mind. 

Gail finally changed her phone number when she started a family plan with Chris. It was cheaper he argued. When she received her new phone number, Gail mourned the loss of her old one as she would mourn the loss of a friend. In many ways, it was the same. A lot of the officer's hopes slipped away with that minor change.

Years later, the exact moment she decided to move on from Holly still stabbed at her soul. She thought about sitting peacefully in her room and ruminating on the day and, in general, the weird road her life had taken her. But really she just wanted to sleep, lose the day in a vague dream. But the day had other plans for her. 

Just when she thought her day could not get any more stressful, Chris appeared and asked about her day out with Sophie. Her inquisitive husband was doing his absolute best to irritate her. Of course, with Chris, irritation was often par for the course. It was the unwanted visitor that mingled in the background waiting for its chance to strike. Still she loved the guy. After all he helped her get the best part of her life, Sophie.

"When did you meet up with Holly?" Chris asked as he grabbed the bottle of cologne and sprayed it all over his chest. Gail grimaced. She was sure he bought the funky smell at one of the low rated stores he and Nick stopped at routinely during their boys' nights. She wondered if he would get a rash from wearing such cheap cologne. It would not be the first time.  
   
She looked at him and saw his eyes closely watching on her. Gail had seen that look before. She was a cop too. She knew when an interrogation was coming.

"I did not meet up with Holly, Chris. I did not hook up with Holly. Sophie and I ran into her at the Science Centre." 

“And now you want us to go to a little girl's birthday party with her?” Chris shook his head, puzzled by what Gail relayed to him. But that was not her fault. Gail knew Chris's attention was split. He was more focused on the night ahead. 

“Chris, why would you think I would want to go to a thirteen-year-old’s birthday party with Holly? She is the one throwing the party. Or kind of anyway.”

"Holly's got a kid?" Chris's head twisted to her in shock. Gail rolled her eyes sending the friendly but clear message that he was a moron.

"The girl is the same girl I told about earlier. Remember Sophie and the rocket?"

Chris nodded and turned back to the mirror. “I don’t know, Gail.” He shook his head warily as he put on his watch. “I mean this is Holly we are talking about. Why would you want to go to this birthday party? This seems like trouble."  
   
"Sophie wants to go to the party," Gail said.  
   
"Sophie also wants a pony," Chris countered.

Gail rolled her eyes as she watched Chris comb his fingers through his hair. This was the man she had seriously promised forever. And so far, she had kept that promise for nearly four years. She leaned back to get a good look at him. 

Gail remembered the exact moment he asked her to marry him. She did not cry from his proposal because she had already been in tears when he found her at the Penny. Her life felt empty, void of meaning and importance. 

Chris had promised to give it both when he slid the ring on her finger. He expected her to freak out. Surprisingly she did not. She listened to him as he proposed a different kind of partnership than their usual partners in crime fighting. And after his speech, she surprised herself by saying yes.

That was four years ago. In four years, she rebuilt her life with Sophie and Chris. She embraced her love of being a beat cop, and settled into a calm life with family, friends and work. 

Looking at what she had now, a fear of losing it all pressed down on her chest, forcing her to breathe deeply, slowly. She reminded herself, as she often did, that her life as she knew it was not in jeopardy. It was working.

But tonight that reminder strangely felt hollow. The fear increased in her. But Gail could not name the danger. She could not put it into any firm thought. She forced it to remain vague in her mind. But she knew it was there.

Gail felt a warming sense of gratitude as Chris grabbed the new navy blue shirt lying on the bed beside her. She looked up at the small town boy that helped her rebuild her life, her eyes clouded with emotion.

“Chris, I really don’t want to go to this birthday party.”

His hands stilled from tucking in his shirt. She could see that he heard the warning in her darker yet softer tone. He looked calmly at Gail, scanning her expression for clues.

“Let’s not go then.”

Gail let out a long-suffering sigh and slid off the bed to her feet. She grabbed the crimped parts of Chris’ shirt sticking out of the waistband of his coal black trousers. She gave him a self-depreciating smile, and adjusted his shirt so it was neat and properly placed.

“Sophie wants to go. She gave Jodi a rocket. Your rocket I believe."

Chris shook his head and grabbed her hands to stop her fidgeting.

“You spoil her.”

Gail shrugged. “I love her.”

Chris made a gruff, disapproving noise before he stepped away from Gail. He grabbed his jacket off the back hanger on the door and slid it on. 

“We’re going to this party, aren’t we?” Chris asked already knowing the answer.

“Yes. It looks like it.”

Chris nodded in acceptance, opening the door to their room. The immediate sounds of computer generated laughter filled the house. Gail and Chris guessed correctly Sophie was watching another one of her silly tween-targeted shows. The two shared a smile at how well they knew their daughter and headed downstairs.

“Chris, make sure you have your key this time. If you beat on the door after midnight again--"

“I know, Gail,” Chris interrupted her tirade. "I’m not going to wake Sophie up. Here’s hoping I won’t be home until morning.” Chris stopped at the base of the steps and grinned like a teenager going to the playboy mansion. 

“You are disgusting,” Gail grimaced and punched him in the arm. Chris laughed.

“The ladies apparently like me that way.” He laughed harder as the two entered the living room. Sophie heard their laughter. It drew her towards them like a magnet. Her grin fell when she noticed Chris had on his jacket.

“You’re leaving?” She whined as she rushed him and threw herself into his arms. At thirteen, she was getting tougher to lift, but Chris did not let it stop him.

“Sorry sweetie.” Chris swung the girl into his arms as if she weighed less than a piece of paper. “I have to go. But I’ll be back in time to take you to school.”

“What about dinner?” She looked at Gail with fear in her eyes. She slid out of her dad's arms, her eyes screaming false fear. “Please tell me mom’s not cooking?”

Gail threw out a fake laugh as she gently pressed her fingers into the girl’s side and tickled her. 

“I’m ordering pizza.”

“Pizza!” Sophie cheered. She gave Chris another conciliatory smile. “Sure you don’t want to stick around, Dad?”

Chris grabbed his chin dramatically, pretending to really thinking it over.

"Well, you are my favorite girl."

"And mom's your second favorite," Sophie piped in.

"Of course." Chris grinned at Gail. Gail rolled her eyes at his utter silliness. 

"I would stay and play..." Chris paused for great effect. He turned pseudo angry eyes on Sophie.

"But someone gave away my rocket!" He rushed toward the little girl earning him a huge squeal. She tried to dodge him but Chris was too swift. He swept her in his arms again, tickling her until she yelled with laughter.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Sophie repeated until Chris finally put her down. Her feet hit the floor, and her arms went immediately around him as she gazed at him adoringly. Chris looked just as lovingly back into those sweet shining eyes. 

"No you're not." He replied with a huge grin. "Cause it got you into a birthday party."

Sophie's eyes shuffled from one parent to another. "I can go?" 

Chris nodded. "Thank your mom."

Sophie screamed her thanks as she jumped into Gail's arms. She nearly knocked Gail down. Gail and Chris shared a humorous look.

"Yes, you're going." Gail kissed her forehead. "Now go back to the living room. Your show is coming on."

Sophie spun towards the television. Chris picked her up before she could run and gave her one more kiss. He then sat her feet down on the floor. Sophie ran back to the sofa and her favorite show. Chris and Gail watched her, their eyes full of love. The moment was broken when Chris's phone beeped. He looked down at it and smiled.

"That's Nick. Stephanie and Joanne will be there." 

“Horn dog.” Gail whispered, elbowing Chris. He pretended to feel the pain, then shrugged with a lecher’s smile.

“It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it." He kissed Gail’s forehead and skipped to their front door. Gail chuckled at the nut-ball she married. How was this guy her best friend? He opened the door and stepped out, then peaked back through the door before closing it.

“Don’t wait up.” Chris waved his eyebrows then closed the door. Gail laughed. Awful clothing. Horrible cologne. And Nick as his wingman. Gail wondered how he ever got laid. She rolled her eyes. Their marriage was not the most conventional, but it worked for them. And she would keep it that way, no matter what.

Gail gave another fleeting looked at the closed door, making sure it was locked. She then made her way to her laughing daughter, thinking of their pizza order as she picked up the phone.

\---------------------

Gail quietly counted to ten to ease the fast beating of her heart as Chris knocked on the front door of the extravagant two-story house. Whoever lived in the home definitely had taste. From the lush green front yard to the roman style entrance, the home was obviously a statement of a grandiose life. 

As the door opened, Gail clutched Sophie's hand in hers. She felt Chris give her shoulder a gentle squeeze and realized she must look as nervous as she felt. She silently reprimanded her nerves for feeling nervous. It was just a kid's birthday party. There was no reason to feel anything but dread.

Her fast beating heart dropped when she saw an unknown brunette opening the door. She was not the brunette Gail was expecting. This woman was taller than Holly, willowy and annoyingly beautiful. And she was smiling.

"Welcome. Come in. Come in." She ordered, not wasting any breath. Her smile was so open and genuine enough that it made Gail want to wretch. Gail tried to remove the twisted expression from her face but found that it was plastered well in place. Luckily Chris had the manners Gail sorely lacked.

"Thanks." Chris said as the three of them stepped into the foyer. "Sorry we're late. I think we missed the turn a couple of times." 

"Four times, Dad." Sophie chimed in innocently. "You remember you kept saying a bad word. And mom reminded you I was in the car." 

"Thanks sweetie." Chris muttered, hugging Sophie to his side. His cheeks turned red with embarrassment. Gail smirked at his discomfort. She decided to save him from his awkwardness although she was enjoying it. 

"Sophie baby, it sounds like the other kids are playing out back." Gail could hear their yelps and gleeful laugher just past the doors.

"Yes! You should join them. They are through the side doors to the left," The mystery woman supplied, pointing in the direction she described. She did not have to tell Sophie twice. The little girl handed Gail her wrapped gift and rushed towards the backyard. The three adults watched her enthusiasm with a smile. 

"So that’s Sophie. We have heard so much about her and the rocket." The woman chuckled as she took Gail and Chris' coats. “I'm Meagan, Holly's girlfriend. Rachel would have opened the door but she had a little emergency."

"That's fine. I'm Gail and this is Chris, my wacky little husband." Gail said wryly. Chris shot Gail a look, warning her to cool it before she had even begun.

“It's so nice to meet you." The woman's smile widened. "Holly has told me a lot about you as well."

Gail shared a glance with Chris as the air in the room tightened. Questions worked through her mind. Just how much Holly had shared with the woman? She did not have to wonder for long.

“Holly speaks so fondly of District 15. I know she worked for the morgue, but she considered you all to be her colleagues as well.

Ah, coworkers. Gail internally rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure this Meagan had absolutely no idea how close Holly had gotten to a particular "colleague".

Gail nodded slyly. "Well, we were just one big ole family.” 

She thought about sharing more with the grinning woman when Chris flashed her another look. He knew what she was thinking, the bastard. Gail frowned but accepted that Chris was right. She would control her darker impulses. 

Gail worked out what bland story to share, but she did not get the chance to share it. They were interrupted by a very out of breath Holly, who entered the house giggling to herself. She looked at them and grinned. 

"Sophie started a conga line outside while the adults were busy. I have no idea how she talked so many people into it so quickly." Holly laughed.

"Look at her parents, Holly." Chris said proudly. “She's bound to know the charmer's art of persuasion." 

"I've seen you in action. She gets it all from me." Gail joked as she gave Chris a small shove. Chris shook his head. She could see he was still very proud of himself.

Chris isn’t into a story about the last dance line he started, defending himself from Gail's assertion. Gail paid him no attention. Her eyes had drifted to Holly and she cursed herself for it. Because now that they were on her, she struggled to get them to move.  
   
They traveled down Holly's body, refusing to overlook any part of her. The world around Gail began to slow down and fade as Holly took over her complete focus. She could hear Chris talking beside her, but it sounded like white noise coming from a great distance. 

Holly wore a thin white blouse and simple light blue slacks. Gail thought she looked amazing. The lighter colors seem to create a playful yet sexy aura around her. It also helped that the whistle she wore around her neck slip seductively under her neckline. How had she gotten hotter with time?

Gail's eyes drifted until they fell on Holly's curious ones and held. They had caught each other looking. Neither of them felt guilty of their scrutiny of the other. But Gail could see in Holly’s eyes what she was feeling.  
   
Gail's eyebrows shot up in surprise. At the center the day before, she'd had trouble reading Holly, and she blamed it on time. But now, when she looked into Holly's beautiful brown eyes, she had no trouble guessing the slightly older woman’s state. Maybe her relationship with Holly was like riding a bike for the first time in years. There was a period of adjustment but eventually everything would right itself.  
   
Gail saw her own nerves reflected in Holly’s eyes. She warmed at the realization that she could still cause some emotion in the doctor and offered her a small smile. Holly bit the back of her bottom lips and returned the gesture. And Gail melted inside. She let herself get lost in the moment before Chris barking out her name ruined it.

“Gail.”

Gail twisted her head so sharply towards Chris, she felt a fleeting pain in her neck. She told him what she thought of his interruption with her sour expression.

“What?” She bit out.

“Don’t you think it’s time to join the party?” Chris raised his eyebrows at her, silently reminding her of where she was. Gail needed to come to her senses. Only she did not want to. 

"Chris, I don’t think we are actually joining the party, unless you plan to jump in the castle with the kids." Gail saw his interest jump exponentially.

She turned back to Holly and Meagan with a frozen grin and found them both watching her, one with a more inquisitive gaze. The other set of eyes caused her stomach to do awkward little jumps. 

"There are plenty of adults out there," Meagan offered stiffly. She looked from Gail to Holly with questions in her eyes. "We're planning a get to know you game later."  
   
The idea of participating caused Gail to wince. Holly saw it and chuckled.

"I think Gail would rather be in the bouncing castle."

"Or you could just point me to the nearest coat closet." Gail groaned. Holly shook her head while continuing to giggle. Gail smiled, enjoying the sound.

"I don’t understand. I already have your coats." Meagan frowned. Gail restrained from rolling her eyes when Holly patted her girlfriend’s back and leaned into her ear. 

"Inside joke," she whispered.

"Oh," that knowledge did not remove the sour expression on Meagan's face. 

Gail pushed herself to appear aloof yet friendly, something she had learned through years of being a Peck. Her push strengthened as she watched Meagan slide her long hands along the back of Holly's neck. She kept her mask on although the sight made her want to punch a wall. Cool it Gail, her mind ordered her emotions.  
   
Meagan grabbed the string connected to the whistle, pulling it over Holly’s head. "Why don't I hang these coats up, then take over the party? You talk to your friends."

Meagan leaned in and gave Holly a long kiss, pulling Holly into an embrace. Gail rolled her eyes at the display. Instead of watching them, she walked further into the home. When Meagan was finally able to pull herself away from Gail, she gave a small nod at everyone and disappeared deeper into the home, presumably to put up their coats.

“That was some goodbye.” Chris whistled as he and Holly followed Gail into the house.

Holly chuckled uncomfortably. “She’s just very affectionate.”

“So is a puppy.” Gail grumbled snidely. “That’s what the rolled up newspaper is for.” 

Chris stifled a laugh. The snide remark fell on deaf ears though when it came to Holly. She ignored it and pointed to the bar.

“How about I make you guys a drink?” 

Gail’ ears perked up. “Forget about hello. Holly, you had me at that.”

\----------------

Gail finished off her third sample of the bourbon hidden behind the bar with a smile on her face. She did not know where the homeowners had imported the smooth liquor from, but it was really the best she had ever tasted.

She noticed a calm come over her as she leaned against the bar. She had stayed inside the home for this reason. She relaxed while Holly and Chris went on a tour of the home and then joined the party. Holly did not know what the two talked about as the wall the homes hallway, but she noted their strained expressions when they headed outside.

The laughter and general noise from the gathering outside drew Gail out doors once. But it was an excursion she regretted immediately. Within minutes she had been forced into an idiotic conversation with a bunch of suburban moms, then had to watch what she considered to be a ridiculous amount of acts of affection between Holly and her girlfriend. Gail retreated back to the safety of the bar. Because who really needed to see Holly and Meagan doing the twist? Not Gail!

Safely back inside, Gail heard a deep bellow that could only belong to Chris and shook her head. She was sure Chris was probably leading the pack of kids through the backyard as they ripped apart everything they saw. And Sophie would be on his shoulders cheering him on. Chris was just a big kid himself. One of the many reasons Sophie loved him. 

Gail knew she should probably be out there with them. But she also knew that Chris and Sophie would understand why she stayed away. Both knew she hated people, everyone beside them at least.

She tried to pinpoint when her family had become her number one priority. She really did credit Chris with bringing them all together, though she would never tell him that. Gail had been distraught when the judge ruled it would be in Sophie’s best interest to go with a new family. Gail never really had the proper living arrangements, employment and support system to win his approval.

After the hearing, she spiraled out of control. She lost the love of her life to become a mother. But after nearly five months of trying, she lost her chance at becoming a mother. A deep depression settled in. A depression Chris recognized and understood. His own brief brush with parenthood had left a huge hole in his life, a hole not even drugs could cover.

After several months of late nights drenched in alcohol at the Penny, Chris turned to his wing woman and proposed a second chance for her and for him to have the family they wanted. There was no sweet speech on bended knee. No romantic declarations for all to hear. Just two people, a string of empty glasses and a promise to make it work.

And that was what they had been doing ever since. When Sophie’s perfect family returned her to state’s custody, Chris took a desk job. The judge could no longer complain about Gail’s dangerous job and how frequently she was required to be away from home. Chris would be there.  
   
They moved out of the apartment they shared with Dov and into a home together. Their first year living together, they shared a room to meet the requirements for the state inspections. They stuck with it when Sophie raised concerns about Gail moving into the guest room. 

They created their own definition of a family and it stuck. Every morning Gail looked in the mirror and reminded herself that her life was working. What was not working for Gail however was the empty glass in front of her. She poured herself another sample of bourbon.

The slide door to the backyard opened, startling Gail. She knocked over the bottle, spilling the bourbon all over the floor. Cursing under her breath, she grabbed a hand cloth that was on the back of the bar and drop to the floor the clear up the mess.

“I think you are completely overreacting.” Gail froze as she heard Holly agitated voice drift over the bar. She thought about standing and making herself known. But the doctor sounded completely frustrated and Gail really wanted to find out why. 

“How can I overreact, Holls? As you keep telling me, there is nothing to react to,” the woman Gail recognized as Meagan said.  
   
Gail held in her inner glee while listening to their biting remarks. She noticed that Meagan sounded significantly less chipper than she had when she greeted them at the door. Gail heard a clattering of dishes from the kitchen right next to the bar and guessed both of the women had moved into that room to continue their not so private conversation. 

“I saw the looks,” Meagan said sharply.   

“There were no looks Meg. There was nothing.” Holly sighed. "Meg--"

A loud clang of a dish hitting the sink cut off the rest of her sentence. “Holly I didn't exactly fly all of this way to watch you make eyes with your straight ex. An ex that, by the way, you neglected to tell me about until we were well into the party.”  
   
"That's because it was five years ago and I really didn't want to rehash it." Holly seemed to be losing patience. The usual steady calm in her voice began to fray.

The pause that followed her sounded deafening to the hiding cop. Gail never wanted to be the reason two people argued, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying their spat. She guessed Holly would have rather waited to have this conversation. She knew from experience Holly was not someone who cared for drama especially in public.

“Is she the reason why you are so eager to move back?” Meagan asked flat out. Gail sharply inhaled. Holly was moving back in town? She did not know how the process the news. She did not get the chance to anyway.

“I’m not eager to move back.” Holly groaned. Her patience was wearing thin.

“We have been dating for almost three years.” Meagan countered. "Yet you refuse to live with me. You physically cringe at discussing marriage, let along any talk of kids. You seem content to live in your own world, with me at a distance. And out of the blue last week, you say you are thinking of moving back.”  
   
“Thinking, Meg. I’m only thinking about it.” Holly’s voice steeped a small amount before dropping back down. Gail slowly slipped from her knees to sit on the floor. She needed to get comfortable. Who knew how long this would last.   

“I’m not trying to push, Holls. I just want to know what’s going on. Why don’t you want to share your life with me?” 

The pain in Meagan’s voice almost made Gail feel sympathy for her. If this had been a different situation, maybe Gail could have scrounged up at least empathy. She had been in the same spot asking the same questions. Not with Holly though. She could only imagine the intensity of her feelings had it been Holly.

“It’s not that at all. I’ve just been feeling home sick. This trip was exactly what I needed.” Holly earnestly said. She spoke in her rationalizing voice. A weapon she only pulled out when she could not see another way to calm a situation. It was a voice Gail had gotten familiar with in their relationship.

“But is it enough?” Meagan asked softly. Gail did not hear Holly’s reply but it must have been in an affirmative. Because Meagan sighed, then changed topics.

“They should be ready to eat. I’ll take the food to the kids. Can you grab the punch?”

“Sure,” Holly said sweetly. Gail heard retreating footsteps and leaned back against the bar. It sounded like Holly was not moving back to Toronto. An overwhelming feeling of disappointment swept over her. If she hadn't been on the floor she would have been brought to her knees by the crippling emotion. 

She brought her knees up and rested her forehead against them. She reminded herself that she liked her life. It worked for her. Still, sadness settled in her. She struggled to breathe. She needed a drink.

Gail stood, making sure she missed the puddle of bourbon on the floor. Luckily she had already poured a glass. Gail reached for it but it was not there. Someone else was holding it, namely one Holly Stewart.

“Nice of you to join me,” Holly said smoothly as she took a sip from Gail’s glass.

“I was cleaning up.” Gail stuttered awkwardly. Her eyes shifted to the bar. She had never felt more uncomfortable in Holly’s presence. She could not even meet her eyes. She wanted to give the woman a hard time as usual, but she could see by Holly's whit knuckles and balled fist against the bar that she was already having a hard time.

Holly looked passed the bar and to the floor. She frowned at the brown puddle near the bar. 

“So that's where the bourbon went. No wonder it smells like a distillery over here. I was starting to worry about you.”

“I’m not trashed, Holly.” Gail shook her head at the ridiculous notion. Her daughter was at the party. She would never do that.  
   
"But," Gail admitted with a sigh, “It is a good thing I’m not driving myself home.” She shrugged. “It’s a party.”

“It’s a thirteen year’s old party.” Holly gave a sarcastic smile. 

“And don’t you have punch to get to the kiddies?” Gail reached for her glass, by Holly held it out of her reach.

“So you were eavesdropping?”

“Of course I was,” Gail huffed. “Do I seem like the type to give people their privacy? And you guys weren’t exactly being quiet.”

“But you were, as quiet as a nosy mouse,” Holly gave her a reprimanding stare. Gail tried not to shrink under it.

“Mice are disgusting, Holly. I’d rather be compared to something that doesn’t live in its own feces.” Gail grabbed the nearly empty bottle of bourbon and emptied its contents into another glass.

“Sorry.” Holly smirked. “I’ll try to think of something a little more fitting for you.”

“Good. That’s not asking too much.”  
   
Holly chuckled as she shook her head. Gail struggled to keep the smile off of her face as she took her own sip. A comfortable silence fell between the two women as they imbibed their drinks. Both of them were in their own heads. Gail was mostly wondering what Holly was thinking. The expression on her face was a wistful sadness. Gail did not care for the expression at all.

“So you’re thinking of moving back?” Gail's heart stopped as the words slipped out of her mouth unexpectedly. She did not want to take them back, though she was scared of the answer.

“I don’t know,” came Holly’s hushed reply.

“What’s to know?” Gail said nonchalantly, or at least she was hoping for a casual vibe. But internally, every one of her senses was on alert. Gail tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. But it did matter. It worried Gail just how much it mattered.

“You either know if you’re moving back or you don’t.” Gail said.

“It’s more complicated than that, Gail.” Holly rested her elbows on the bar.

“Why? It took you a week to decide to leave." Gail sniped. "I don’t know why it would take you any longer to figure out if you want to come back.”

Holly tilted her head and glared at Gail. The blonde could see an argument in the brown eyes hardening before her. Gail stiffened her defenses for whatever was to come next. But Holly simply downed her drink and stepped away from the bar.

“I don’t think either of us wants to have that conversation.” Holly said tiredly.

“I forgot how good you are at avoiding tough decisions.” Gail scoffed. She also tossed back her drink. “And I have personal experience with that.”

Holly drew her lips into a thin line. “If you have something to say, just say it Gail.”

Gail cocked her shoulders and gave her best asshole smirk. 

“You didn’t care about what I had to say before. What’s changed?”

Holly shook her head and turned to walk away. She took a few steps before she stopped. She stood in that spot for what felt like minutes, hours even. Her eyes were on the door but Gail could see her mind was on something else. When she turned back around, toughness was in her eyes.

“Forgot something?” Gail asked sarcastically.

“We should talk.” Holly declared in a tone devoured of emotions.

“We should?” Gail raised an eyebrow at the statement.

“You’re right. I should hear what you have to say.” Gail would have thought Holly was joking if not for the serious tone and stern face. 

“Here?” Gail asked incredulously.

“No." Holly ran her fingers through her hair. She exhaled harshly before looking at the door. “Maybe at the Penny? Tomorrow night?”

Gail reached for the bottle of bourbon, then remembered it was empty. Her actions could be considered a stall tactic and they were. They gave her a chance to think. Only no thoughts came. She was not expecting the invitation. She did not know how to take it.

Finally she gave up on trying to have a coherent thought. She held up her empty glass in a silent salute. 

“To tomorrow at The Penny then.”

Holly walked away and Gail went in search for more alcohol.


	3. Chapter 3

The bedroom door flew open, and Gail flung herself onto the bed. She could feel a monster headache taking over, and she wanted to be sleeping before it hit. The frustrated mother had survived an entire afternoon with her ex-girlfriend, her ex’s current girlfriend and more than two-dozen children. She had earned her rest. Luckily it was Chris' turn to read the goodnight story to a sleepy Sophie. It meant Gail would get a little more time to enjoy the entire bed before she was forced into the corner.

Of course their daughter was old enough to read her own self to sleep, but they all enjoyed the nightly ritual. It helped to bond them early on in the building of their family. It still amazed Gail how far they had come since they first won custody of Sophie. She used to have nightmares of being returned.

The dark dreams would come so regularly, Gail used to stay awake well into the night until Sophie had made it through one of her dreams. The fear of rejection choked the small girl. But she never lost her welcoming smile. Gail admired her so much, the child who struggled but survived.

For the first six months after her adoption, Sophie kept to herself. She refused to let her new parents see her pain. She thought if she did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong maybe Gail and Chris would keep her. Every spill, every mistake put the fear of God in her. It took constant reassurances from both of them to finally calm Sophie's insecurities.

Thinking about how settled their life was now, Gail admitted she spoiled Sophie. But for a kid that wore her soul on her sleeve, spoiling her was the only way to get through to her. Yes, she sometimes took Gail's unwavering support of her for granted. But Gail did not care. Because the more Gail shared, the less she saw the expression on Sophie's face that called back to a darker uncertain time in her life. Because when those moments, those dark moments, hit Gail could only pull Sophie close to her. She could not erase the memories.

Gail could feel herself drifting when she heard Chris’s large, clunky feet hit the wooden hallway floor like a hammer hitting a hollowed door. She knew the exact second he entered the bedroom. Although it pained her to move, she rolled onto her side of the bed. Fortunately she was able to accomplish the move without lifting her head from her pillow.

"So you're just going to go to sleep now?" Chris asked, his tone sharply cutting into the peaceful night. He puffed as if releasing pent up emotions into the air. He was upset. She heard the irritation in his voice and grumbled. She was just too tired to care.

"Chris, I hope you weren't thinking tonight would be the night we consummated our marriage. The only thing that's getting lucky in this bed is my pillow." The pillow in question swallowed up most of Gail's snarky remarks.

"Can you just look at me, Gail?" Chris griped.

Gail groaned. She guessed sleep would wait. She flipped onto her back and sat up on the bed. Chris leaned against the doorway, a stone-like expression on his face. It was a mixture of disappointment and annoyance. And it made Gail feel like she was sixteen years old standing in front of her father explaining why she had not lived up to her parents’ expectations.

“What's got your panties in a wad this time, Christian?” Gail let the venom drip from her lips. "Spare me your pouty routine and just tell me your problem."

"I don’t have a routine.” Chris frowned down at Gail, unsure of what she was referencing.

"Yes, you do." Gail gave a drawn out sigh, as if she was a long suffering wife with a dunce of a husband. "I do something you don't like. You bitch. You moan. You pout. Then you apologize. Wait for the next problem. Rinse and repeat."

"Who knew you knew me do well?" He asked sarcastically. 

“Get to it or let me sleep.” She ordered. Chris rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Apparently, he had elected to sulk. Gail elected to sleep. She threw herself back on the bed, back first, and turned away from him. 

"Were you ever going to tell me about your date with Holly?" Chris bit out. "Before Holly brought it up?"

Gail sat back up and looked at Chris. Her face contorted in confusion. He could not be serious.

"I don't have a date with Holly." Gail said clearly, as if trying to pacify a child. "We are just getting together to hash a few things out."

"Who are you trying to kid?" Chris spit out at her. His harsh tone took Gail by surprise. Gail could not tell if Chris was really in a mean mood or if he was being a brat. She gave him a good look. She noted his frown was not angry. It was more a pout. His crossed arms were obviously meant to be a barrier between them. His eyes were weary, not heated.

Gail forcibly bit down her angry retort. "Chris, I'm not trying to kid anyone." 

"I can tell since it's not working," Chris griped. "You are usually better at this."

Gail struggled to keep herself from finding Chris’s weak spot and ripping him a new one using it. She counted to ten. Then twenty. By the time she finished Chris was venting his frustrations like he was taking part in a poetry slam.

"I hope you understand that you are putting everything at risk right now, Gail. You do get that, right? We finally have a stable life. No inspections. No pretending. No sudden rearranging our lives. The court is off our back. Sophie's settled in. And now you want to blow everything up."

"Hold on one minute." Gail jumped in, overtaking Chris' steadily rising voice. Her feet smacked the floor as she sprang out of bed. "You don't know what you're talking about, Chris. It’s one meeting. The only blowing up going on here is you blowing the situation out of proportion."

Chris shook his head wildly in disbelief. "You really don’t see your actions as putting this family at risk?"

"No. Because they are not putting this family at risk." Gail reassured Chris. She desired normalcy just as much as her friend. And while seeing Holly dredged up old feelings, Gail felt she could control them. If she saw Holly again, when she saw Holly again, she would contain the emotions that filled the air around them when they came together.

"It is just drinks," Gail said with a nonchalant shrug. "She wants to talk."

"Just drinks?" Chris scoffed. "There is no such thing as “just drinks” with you and Holly. And where was this great concern for communication five years ago?"

"You are not going to let this go. Are you?" Gail stared him down. It was a look that has caused weaker man, including Chris to buckle.

"So what if this was a date, which it's not? Chris, you go out with a different girl every night. Sometimes it's more than one!"

"That's different. And you know it." Chris argued.

Gail's hands flew to her hips. "How is that any different?" 

"Because I don't consider any of those girls the love of my life!" Chris bellowed.

The words ripped out of him and stayed in the air around them. He could not take them back. Gail could not ignore them. Because he had voiced the real problem between them.

For the first time, Chris looked as lost as he felt. He stormed out of the room. He stopped in the hallway. Gail could not see the emotions that played on his face, but she could guess them. The worry. The frustration. The fear. How had they gotten to a place where they stood yelling at each other while their daughter slept a few feet away? Gail groaned. Sophie. How could she have forgotten?

"Chris." Gail called. He looked at her through the doorway. Sadness filled his eyes. He had already figured it out.

“She’s sleeping,” He said quietly. He appeared to be assuring Gail, but the words were really for him. Gail still accepted them, unsure of what to do if they were not the truth. She prayed Sophie was curled in her bed sleeping, not listening to them scream at each other. Gail's hands covered her face in despair. They were really screaming at each other.

Chris stepped back into the room and quietly closed the door. The fight that had quickly surged inside both of them seeped out. The headache Gail had been hoping to avoid made its presence known in the ringing of her head. She felt more tired than ever. Gail sighed as she sat back on her side of the bed.

"It’s just drinks, Chris." Gail said once again. Her voice sounded as weak as she felt.

She did not know what else to say. Not when they were talking about Holly. She could not say he was wrong about how she felt. But she did not think it was right to ban Holly from her life because of it. Gail saw the crack in their relationship, and her mind screamed for her to tread lightly. But Gail feared she could not, not if it meant treading away from Holly.

"I know it sounds crazy to you. Hell, Chris it feels crazy to me." Gail laughed, yet the sound was devoid of any real pleasure. "I shouldn't be fighting so hard for a meeting. But I am, Chris. I am. Can't you see what it means to me?"

"I can." Chris replied with a heavy sigh. "And I'm scared what that means for us." 

Gail wilted at the defeat in his tone. Why must this be a battle? Why must someone lose? Gail caught the regret in Chris’s eyes before he turned away.

"I guess..." Chris exhaled, trying to shake up what little energy he had left. The stiffness that had him leaning like a board left him. 

"Okay, here’s the truth. When we first decided to get married for Sophie, a part of me was still in love with you." Chris glanced at her guiltily as Gail groaned his name. He waved away her incredulous expression.

"I know. I’m an idiot. And as time went by, I realized that. Those feelings eventually went away. But they were replaced with something better." Chris smiled so sincerely down at Gail that it changed his entire demeanor. He looked softer, happier.

“They were replaced with a feeling of belonging. We got a family, Gail. You and Sophie are my family. I don’t want to lose that. I can’t lose it."

“And you won’t,” Gail pledged passionately. 

"How can you be so sure?" Chris volleyed right back to her.

Gail looked at the worry in Chris’ eyes and felt tears collect in hers. She wanted to declare that nothing would change between them. If it had been anything else, anyone else, she would have. But they were talking about Holly. That fact alone kept her from making all declaration except one

"You and Sophie will always be my family, Chris. Nothing will change that. We went through hell to get her. She went through hell to get us. We are a family." Gail spoke the words with complete certainty. It was not just a statement, but a promise. 

“Do you trust me, Chris?”

Chris tilted his head and looked at his fumbling hands like a petulant child. "That’s not fair, Gail.”

“But it is,” Gail argued calmly. She approached him. Their eyes were centered on each other.

“We’ve been in this together for a long time now, Chris. It’s the fairest question I got.”

Chris’ eyes bore into hers, the emotion in them changing in flashes. First confusion. Then fear. Finally acceptance.

“Yeah, I trust you.” Chris said reluctantly. 

Gail smiled. She took him at his word and hoped he did the same for her. If he could do that, she was sure they would get through whatever was thrown at them, because they had the most important element that bonded partners, trust.

"Okay." Chris said, as Gail patted shoulder. She moved as he walked to the dresser and pulled out his nightclothes. "You have your drinks with Holly if you need it."

"This won't end badly." Gail said with more assurance than she felt.

"I'll follow your lead, Gail." Chris replied, turning towards the bathroom door. The argument was dropped. Chris was resolved. Gail was relieved. She went back to the bed and laid her body down on the welcoming covers. Maybe she would actually get some rest tonight. Maybe everything would work out. Her eyelids slowly found their resting spot when Chris spoke again.

"You didn't correct me." He uttered.

Gail's eyes popped open, and she stared at Chris in confusion.

"What?" Gail asked, the thought of sleep put on hold.

"When I said she was the love of your life, you didn't correct me." He stood at the door of the bedroom, closely watching her face. "You didn't even look surprised. What does that mean for us?" 

Gail looked on silently as Chris left the room. She once again had nothing to say.

\--------------------------------

Gail was surprised at how much she was enjoying her night at the Penny so far. She spent her first hour with Holly making small talk and it seemed to be going smoothly. Neither woman wanted to be the one who started the serious part of their conversation. And while Gail hated small talk, the conversation with Holly came with such ease for her she dreaded the thought of changing it.

So far, their meet-up had been the easiest part of the day for Gail. Her day started off in misery due to her late night discussion with Chris. Their argument remained under the surface of all of their interactions this morning. The dark cloud hovered as they went about their routine, getting themselves and Sophie ready for the day.

The dark cloud then stuck around as she partnered with an idiot of a rookie. He nearly got her shot. What was worse, because of him, she nearly missed an after-school tutoring session for Sophie. Luckily Sophie did not seem to mind rushing to make it to her appointment on time, but Chris had minded. His displeasure showed when he met them at the center. 

Gail told herself this was just a small hill of trouble they needed to climb. Chris would be in a better mood after daughter-daddy time with Sophie. She expected his frustration to wane. It was Chris after all. Of course it would eventually wane.

Yet when he dropped Gail off at the Penny, neither of them said anything except goodbye. The man, who had claimed he would follow her lead, was freezing her out despite promising to trust her. Sophie must have felt the tension because she hugged her mommy little longer and tighter than usual. Gail forced a smile at her frowning baby girl as she told them to have a nice evening. Her eyes lingered on their car as it pulled away.

Her day had been horrible. So much so Gail thought about calling the night off. She thought about not going inside the bar and instead, going home. But she knew Holly was waiting. And she could not leave her there watching for someone who would never appear.

Gail walked into the bar with her horrible day weighing her down. But when her eyes fell on Holly, all of those heavy thoughts, the fighting and the frustration, left her. Her mind dumped them to make room for the rare sight of Holly Stewart sitting at a table in the middle of the bar. Her fingers played with the straw of her drink. Her eyes and smile focused on Gail.

The dark cloud above Gail died. She felt like she was walking into a dream. Nothing felt real in that moment, but everything felt perfect. She realized she could handle Chris' coldness. She could handle the tension. Because as she walked into the Penny, her eyes meeting Holly's in a silent communication of a mutual need, Gail knew she was right where she needed to be.

For the first hour with Holly, Gail clung to the ease of their conversation. It was as casual as her simple blouse and slacks combination. And it worked. They talked about the weather, about life in San Francisco, changes to Toronto, and any nonessential topic that came to mind. But as the hour passed, Gail realized they had strayed away from the purpose of their meeting. They were there to say the things they never got the chance to say, to clear up their mistakes, mend fences, and possibly even move on.

"Are you still thinking about moving back?" Gail blurted out as their server walked away with the glasses from their second round. She left behind a new set.

The change in topics obviously caught Holly by surprise. The glass in her hand froze in the air next to her lips. She looked startled at the question, but quickly hid it in an awkward smile. She sat down her glass, cleared her throat, then she answered.

"Yes, I have thought about moving back. I guess you can say I’m still thinking about it." Holly pushed her glasses more securely onto her face. Gail recognized the move as a nervous tick.

“What would you do?” She asked. She noticed Holly stiffen. Strange. The woman seemed to pull back though she was never one for being shy. Holly bit her bottom lip and gave a faint smile.

“I don’t really know…” Holly stuttered as she looked down into her drink.

Gail did not believe her. Holly may be impulsive at times, but she always eventually analyzed every action. Gail guessed Holly had been thinking about a possible move for longer than she felt comfortable. The intuitive cop in her could also see the doctor, now toying with the napkin in her hand, really wanted to talk to someone about it.

“Come on, Holly.” Gail leaned in with a grin. Her entire demeanor beaconed Holly to open up. “You forget I know how much you love details. If you are thinking about moving, there is no way you have not already figured out the when, where and how.”

Holly's lips lifted slightly in a smile. The evidence of how well Gail knew her never failed to soften her. No one knew her quirks better. Her eyes drifted over Gail, weighing on whether she should just let her in.

Gail waited. She liked having Holly’s eyes on her. She felt warmth wherever they lingered. When Holly finally leaned in, Gail felt as if confetti exploded around her. Holly had chosen to share with her. Gail felt the air lighten around them as Holly lessened her guard. 

They leaned towards the center of the table. The similar moves brought their faces closer together. So close, Gail could feel Holly’s sweet breath leave her body. She held in a slight shiver. Goose bumps form along her arms. It was as if her body anticipated their first touch.

Gail ignored her body's reaction and focused on the woman besides her. Holly's smile seemed freer than any other time tonight. Gail reacted with a smile of her own. Holly’s eyes danced with excitement and Gail’s smile grew.

"No one knows yet but--" Holly whispered. She leaned in even further. "Grant may be retiring soon.” She ended with a full on grin.

“Grant?” Gail asked, the name unfamiliar to her.

“Grant Smith." Holly supplied. "He’s the chief forensic pathologist here. We worked pretty closely together while I was at the morgue. He actually hired me. A few months ago, he reached out to me to see if I would be interested in being his replacement. He's thinking of leaving town all together. He would even rent me his place." The hopefulness in Holly’s voice sent a sharp prick of excitement straight to Gail's heart.

“You’re serious?" Gail could see the giddiness in Holly. It turned her a light pink as if pressure from the inside pushed to burst out of her. Gail knew this was Holly's dream job. If she closed her eyes she could see them in bed, giggling and speaking softly with each other. Holly would jokingly plan their future together, and she always spoke of her desires to be the boss. The protocols she would change. She described the position as the best of both worlds. It gave her the ability to achieve her ambitions while staying in the city she loved.

“Can you imagine, Gail?” Holly said with a childlike awe in her eyes.

Yes I can,” Gail declared cheerfully. The two shared another smile. Gail held up her glass. “Let me be the first to welcome you home, Doctor Stewart.”

"It's not a done deal." Holly chuckled and Gail felt pure joy in every wave of her laughter. Still, the two clinked glasses happily. 

And Gail was happy for Holly. Sure their silly plans of a picket white fence, a two story country home with a balcony, a garden and a dog Gail would use to scare the neighbors while letting lovingly protect their children had not panned out. At least a part of the dreams whispered into the night would come true.

But as Gail let herself feel happiness for Holly she could not help but also feel a seed of frustration plant itself in the middle of her joy. Instead of creating more happiness the seed spewed into her brain bitter questions Gail did not want answered.

It asked if Holly thought she was coming back why she had not reached out to Gail. It pondered if Holly had even thought of Gail at all. It dug deep into her memories to bring up past insecurities and worries about the importance of their relationship. The seed clouded the happiness Gail felt for Holly and left her confused about where she stood in both their past and present. 

"If you were coming back to the morgue, then you knew you would see me. Unless... were you planning on avoiding me?" Gail knew the question was rooted in the awful seed, feeding on her insecurities, and she regretted it. It made her sound selfish and secretly unhappy for Holly’s success. She hated her question even more when she saw Holly lose the light in her eyes.

"I wasn’t planning on avoiding you, Gail." Holly leaned back, putting space between them. Gail felt the loss of their connection to her bones. Still, she didn't buy it. She looked away to prevent Holly from seeing her roll her eyes. Holly saw it anyway.

"I wasn’t." Holly defended herself. "I wanted to see you."

Gail bit her lips trying to keep the words forming in her brain from slipping out. But their bitter taste could not hold and they escaped.

“Holly, you haven’t wanted to see me for five years. So forgive me if I don’t believe you were anxiously awaiting our reunion at the morgue.”

Holly’s lips drew into a thin line. Her eyes harden. "You know that is not all together accurate, Gail.”

“It sounds about right to me,” Gail declared. She took another sip of her drink. The alcohol had lost its sweetness. She could only feel its sting going down her throat. “But I guess we see it different.”

Holly’s eyes darkened, their usual warm brown nearly black. She glared at Gail, perturbed. “I don’t know why you hold me responsible for our breakup."

Gail shrugged and finished her drink. "You left." The statement held a finality to it that those two little words could not contain.

"You told me to go." Holly rebutted. Her lips withdrew even more, making a thinner line. Gail could see she was really trying reel in her emotions. "You told me to leave and then apparently you forgot that part of our conversation."

“I’ve forgotten nothing, Holly,” Gail said with the force of a shout. She did not want to talk anymore. She picked up her glass, realized it was empty, and slammed it down in anger. Holly's head went to the side. She looked as if she was inspected Gail. Whatever she saw did not make her happy.

Apprehension swam in the eyes that looked Gail over. Gail’s hand flew to her temple and began a sharp massage, easing a headache that had not yet appeared. When she looked at Holly, her eyes darkened with weariness.

“Believe me Holly. I remember everything. The entirety of us.”

Holly looked away, her eyes no longer in Gail's view. Gail wondered about the obvious conversation going through her mind. Whatever its topic, it caused Holly's eyes to water when she looked back to Gail. A plea she also voiced.

“Can’t we get passed it?" Holly asked. She searched Gail's face for a clue or possibly an answer. "Can’t we be friends again?”

“Is that what you want from me, Holly?" Gail asked in response. "Do you want us to just be friends again?”

“Yes…" Holly answered earnestly. Then she paused, letting Gail's question and the connected question in her eyes sink in. Gail was not just asking should they be friends. She was asking if she toss away their past, start over.

In the silence of the moment, Gail took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. She looked at the worry creases in Holly's forehead, the frown lines along the side of her mouth. Time had passed and they had changed. Gail understood those simple facts. She also understood Holly's desire to want to go back to the ease of their first meeting.

But when she remembered their first meeting, she also remembered their first kiss. The first time her hand softly caressed Holly's cheek. The first time they made love. The first time they confessed their love. Gail could not go back to being friends, because she could not ignore that they had always had more.

Holly wanted to agree to the stipulation. Gail read it in her expression. She wanted to say she was willing to erase their history. Yet she slowly shook her head as she answered again.

"I don’t know.”

Holly connected with Gail’s eyes. Where do they go from here? Her lips separated, but no words came out. She closed them, tried again. Again, there were no words. She tried a third time and had success.

“I don’t have to take the job.” Holly sighed, demoralized. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it anyway.”

Gail hated herself at that moment for taking away the joy Holly had so easily shared with her. She did not want to be the cause of Holly giving up her dream. She signaled for the server to return to their table.

“No. It's your job. You earned it. Take it. We will figure this out." When the server stood before her, Gail smiled with a tinge of darkness. She just had three words for her.

"Another round please."

\--------------------------------

The doorbell was a really fun thing to ring, Gail thought. She decided to keep pushing the button no matter how many times Holly told her to stop. She even pushed it after the front door of her home swung open and a bleary eyed Chris glared down at her. She decided to stop when he physically removed her hand from the button.

"What in the hell, Gail?" He whispered. "Are you trying to wake up Sophie?"

"Sorry Chris," Gail apologized, drawing out the words so they sounded as one. She wore the pout of a six year old. Chris grimaced. He had seen inebriated Gail enough to know the signs. He opened the door wider and moved to let her in. Gail tried to walk on her own, but she nearly slammed into the wall. Luckily Holly caught her.

"I think she is going to need some help upstairs." Holly shared. Chris went to grab Gail but found his wife had a death grip on her ex.

"Gail, let her go." Chris ordered.

"Nope. Not ready to." Gail replied with a cheeky grin. Her hold tightened. Holly looked worrisomely outside the door.

"The cab," she nodded toward the road. Chris looked out and saw the car waiting. He gave a frustrated groan.

"Okay. I'll take care of the cab. You can take her upstairs," Chris turned towards the door. He stopped when Holly grabbed his arm. Her purse landed in his hand. He looked at her questioningly.

"You are going to need money, and you don't have on any pants." Holly explained with a wryly smile.

Chris looked down and realized she was right. He took her purse and walked out of the door. Holly looked the stairs and wondered how she was going to get Gail up them quietly. She didn't even know which room was hers. She calculated the best angle to push Gail when the drunken blonde let go of her and headed for the stairs herself.

"Our room is to the right, at the end of the hall." Gail grumbled as she stumbled up the first few stairs. Holly rushed behind her to catch her in case she fell back.

Gail felt the hands on her back and gave a small laugh. "You still know how to take good care of me."

"And you still know how to be a pain in the ass." Holly replied with a smile. She maneuvered Gail up the final steps.

"It's such a lovely ass though." Gail smirked as they turned towards her room.

"Thanks I guess." Holly muttered.

"Hey, I was talking my own ass. It’s so beautiful." Gail heard Holly chuckle and felt flush by the melodic sound. She could never tire of hearing it. 

They made it into Gail's room, taking extra time to be as discrete as possible as they passed Sophie's room. Holly complimented Gail on her home, but Gail merely grunted in response. Once inside of the room, she guided Gail onto the bed and slipped off her shoes. 

"Holly, you don't have to do this," she reminded her.

"I know,” Holly replied as she grasped Gail's jacket and pulled it down her shoulders. 

Gail let Holly take charge. She rarely felt completely comfortable being in someone else's care. But Holly was different. Holly knew how to care for Gail without making her feel pathetic. She put up with Gail’s difficultness, which made Gail want to be less difficult. 

Holly moved a little roughly but Gail loved the feel of Holly's hands on her again. Where she touched her, Gail’s body felt intense emotion. Skin to skin contact created immediate sparks.

Holly worked without a word. She did her best to make Gail comfortable. The entire time Gail felt herself weakening to Holly's soft hands and sweet demeanor. Gail's head fell against Holly's neck. Her forehead rubbed against the crook of her neck. Holly paused. Her hands tightened on the jacket, crushing it between her fingers.

"What are you doing?" She asked. Her voice trembled slightly.

"I need to tell you something." Gail spoke the words quietly into the air. Her mind felt like cotton candy that would dissolve at any moment. But she knew there was something she had share with Holly.

Holly only heard Gail because her lips were so close to Holly's ears. She scooted back on the bed, putting space between them. She saw that look on Gail’s face. The look that said she was going to do something she probably shouldn’t. When they were together, Holly loved her unpredictable nature. But they weren’t together. They were separated, and she did not need the flutters she got from Gail’s tender gaze.

"No you don't." Holly's voice flickered in and out in a nervous beat. Gail looked at Holly. She took in her from expression and rigid body. Gail's cloudy emotions cleared a little bit, enough to realize she was not the only one still affected by their close proximity. 

She leaned into the space, bringing them back together and put her head once in the crook of Holly's neck.

"Don't you care what I have to say?" Holly shook her head against Gail, her hair softly brushing over her. She listened closely and heard Holly's breathing quicken. Before Gail could speak, Holly stood up and took a few steps away from the bed. She was still close enough for Gail to feel heat. But she was at a safe enough distance that the fire did not burn.

"Stop it," Holly ordered. But Gail did not see a problem with wanting to be near Holly. Maybe Holly did not want the same? She frowned at the thought. One look at Holly wiped away her frown. The dark desire in Holly's eyes was blatant. Right now, she seemed very interested in Gail's lips. Gail gave a tilted small smile. She definitely was not the only one affected.

Gail laid her body back on the bed, hitting the mattress and bouncing some.

"I guessed I ruined your night," She muttered.

Holly stared back down at Gail with eyes so tender, the color would disappear if they softened anymore. Gail did not know if it was the alcohol or just Gail, but her look that made her stomach do jumping jacks. The look only lasted a moment. It disappeared when Holly saw the same look mirrored on Gail’s face.

"I would not say you ruined my night. It wasn't perfect," Holly shrugged. "But it was--"

"Still kind of beautiful?" Gail finished quietly as she closed her eyes. She felt smooth fingers caress her forehead, moving the hair from her face.

"Yeah." Holly said in a voice that sounded miles away. "Still kind of beautiful."

Gail felt Holly's eyes of her and knew if she opened at that moment she would meet an intense gaze. She was about to do just that when she heard Chris' heavy footsteps. She really wanted to avoid getting yelled at so she kept her eyes closed. She knew she had done right when she heard the frustration in Chris' voice.

"That asshole of a cabbie... I think he overcharged you." Chris bit out. "I tried to get him to lower it but... Let me grab my wallet and pay you back."

"Don't worry about it." Holly said. Her voice sounded father away. Gail figured Holly put more distance between them when Chris entered the room. She immediately missed her.

"I think I should call Meg." Holly stated as if it was her big escape from the night. "She can pick me up."

"No, I'll take you home," he offered.

"You have a child in the house," Holly said in her tone that gave no room for argument. "And the only other adult here is out for the night. I'll call Meg, but thank you." 

The room grew quiet. Gail wondered if Holly left to make her call. She regretted how their night had taken a bad turn. She probably should not have enjoyed the bar so much. She opened her eyes and saw the room was empty. Gail lay there thinking about Holly and Chris downstairs, talking. She did not like the thought. Her drooping eyelids argued for sleep. But her instincts told her she needed to get up. She hadn't heard Chris' clunky feet so it can't have been far.

Gail gingerly got off the bed and walked out of the room. She stumbled but was able to make it down the hall with the help of the wall. She heard Chris talking when she made it to the stairs. Looking down she saw two figures standing at the end. She easily made out who was who but she could not see their faces.

"Chris, what's going on with Gail?" Holly asked bluntly, interrupting whatever lame conversation Chris had started.

Gail did not like her almost maternal tone. She remembered the worried frowns Holly gave her when she started to drink more alcohol. She remembered the haughty suggestions from her that they find something else to keep them from fighting, like talking. 

"She's..." Chris struggled with the right words. Gail stiffened in apprehension. Then he exhaled harshly. "I don't know. But she'll figure it out. She always figures out."

Chris's faith in her just made Gail feel more awful. Gail understood she really needed to get her shit together. But she definitely did not support what Chris had to say.

"Maybe you should give her some space?" Chris suggested pointedly.

"Me?" Holly asked, shocked by Chris’s advice. "What do I have to do with any of this?"

Chris shifted on his feet. “You and Gail have a lot of baggage."

"I would not say--" Holly tried to refute but Chris did not let her finish.

"I know you don't agree. But Holly, you need to stop seeing my wife." He said cutting her off. Gail felt the tension spike in the room and she was in the hallway.

"Chris, I'm not seeing Gail." Holly said calmly, too calmly. Gail did not have to see her face to know Holly was fuming inside.

"Holly, we don't need to pretend here. I was there for round one of you two." Chris said derisively. "I picked her up after the first knockout."

"To say something like that, then you obviously were not there for round one." Holly retorted.

"Well, I'm here now," Chris' palm connected with the wall. He leaned over Holly almost like he was Gail’s older protective brother. Holly was not intimidated but she was dumbfounded that he thought he needed to be intimidating.

"Holly, this is hard for me,” Chris began. “I have always liked you. And if this was a different circumstance, I would be rooting for you. But this is my family. I'm here now. So I'm asking you to stop whatever it is you two are doing. We can see clearly that it's not good for Gail. Just. End. It."

"Chris!" The name burst from Gail's lungs when Gail least expected it. The two bodies at the bottom of the stairs turned and looked up. Chris looked both guilty and determine. He thought he was making the right move. Holly looked from him to Gail and back again then took a step back.

I think I will wait outside for Meg." Holly said and hurriedly left out the front. Gail watched Holly scurry away. The sight made her even more furious. Her eyes connected with Chris. Her anger seemed to fuel the anger in him. Gail knew two things. She was going to need coffee. And they were facing another long night. 

\--------------------------------

Gail and Chris was playing the silent game. At least that's what Sophie told them. Neither of them had said a word to the other since last night after Holly left. After Gail stopped Chris’ ranting to her ex, their conversation had ended. She could not even look at Chris without seething inside. How dare he try to push Holly? She would not allow anyone else to attack her. Holly did not deserve it.

The two friends had went to bed without as much as a goodnight. They ate breakfast in silence, breaking the quiet only to talk to their daughter. They were out of sync. But Gail was too upset to be worried.

It was her turn to take Sophie to school but Chris bucked their routine, grabbing the car keys before Gail could. She said nothing, quietly watching as they left the home without a word spoken. Once they were gone, Gail sent a quick text to her partner for the day to pick her up and went back upstairs to get dressed.

Gail tried to understand Chris’ point of view. He was coming from a good place. She was sure of it. Her certainty did nothing to lessen her sour mood. It also did nothing to change her conviction when she noticed a strange purse on her bedroom dresser. 

Gail decided she needed to meet the problem head on. First she needed to apologize, an act Gail dreaded even thinking about. When Chloe showed up to pick up Gail, she worked out a plan. When they arrived to the station, she took Chloe’s car and put her plan into action.

Gail did not think about where she was going until she was inside of the swankiest hotel she had stepped into in years. She stood at the front desk and gave the card in her hand another look. Her eyes zoomed around the room, searching the lobby for any familiar faces. She was disappointed when she did not see anyone. Giving up, Gail dropped the person on the front desk and turned to leave. She made it halfway to the front doors before Holly jogged into the lobby.

She stopped moving when she saw Gail. Her eyes wide with shock. "What are you doing here?"

Gail refrained from staring at the glowing woman. This was not the time. She rushed back to the front desk and grabbed the purse. Giving the concierge a quick thank you, she made her way back to Holly.

“Can we talk?” The words flew out of her mouth with an urgency. Confusion contorted Holly’s face. Gail looked at her scrunched face and closed the gap between them. She pulled of the earbuds out of Holly’s ears.

She tried again. “Can we talk?” She saw Holly visibly repel.

“I don't think that’s not a good idea.” Holly looked around the room. Gail considered that Holly was worried they could be caught talking. She could also be having the same issue with her girlfriend as Gail and Chris.

“I just want a moment.” She assured. She did not wait for an answer, but grabbed Holly’s hand and headed down the hall. She searched for an open space and found it in what looked like a banquet room. Gail closed the door and turned around. She found Holly watching her closely and was suddenly hit with apprehension. Now what, she asked herself. 

"Your purse." Gail shared, holding it up as evidence. “You left it.”

“Yeah,” Holly acknowledged as she took the purse. “I realized that last night. I didn’t… I wanted to…”

“I got it, Holly.” Gail interrupted Holly's uncomfortable pauses. “You didn’t want to come back to the house after Chris’ ridiculous outburst.”

“It wasn't ridiculous.” Holly wrapped her hands around the purse as she looked down at it in discomfort. “He's your husband. I'm an ex. It's no surprise he doesn't like us spending time together."

"It's not as simple as that." Gail refuted. She knew what Holly was doing. She could tell Gail's anger was focused on Chris. She seemed worried about hurting their relationship, proving Chris right.

"Trust me, Holly.” Gail vowed. “None of our relationships are that well defined."

Holly still refused to look at her. In fact, she turned her entire body away.

“Be that as it may, I think its best that I’m leaving tomorrow.” Holly spoke to the wall in front of her without any emotion. But Gail felt the words like a slap on her face.

“You’re leaving?” She wanted Holly to repudiate her earlier statement or at least make a clarification.

“But you’re coming back for the job, right?” Her eyes bore into Holly's back as the quiet doctor shook her head.

“I’ve decided not to take the job offer.”

Gail’s chest took the impact of each wave of her head like the toss of a jagged rock. The pain fanned out through Gail’s body until it took everything in her to remain standing.

Of course, she told herself bitterly. She repeated the two words. Each time was more sickening than the last. She let it sink in, but did not let herself fall apart. Holly would not see her pain.

“I'm glad you didn't buy that fruit basket,” Gail laughed but the sound was hollow. She pulled every piece of emotion from her face. When she was confident she was a clear as a stone, she spoke again.

"I just came to apologize for last night. It was a bad move. It shouldn’t have ever happened."

Holly turned to Gail. Concern created lines on her face. "I’m glad you think that. That has to help.“

"What do you mean?" Gail frowned. She was fighting the dueling emotions inside of her. One set told her to ignore Holly and walk swiftly. The other set kept her feet planted in that spot.

"I want to make sure you’re fine.” Holly.

“Of course I’m fine." Gail stopped her. “This isn’t the first time you’ve walked out of my life, Holly. I’m starting to get used to it."

"That’s not what I’m talking about.” Holly said. She looked like she wanted to leave right now. So Gail was surprised when she took a step forward.

"I've seen you for three days since I've been back, if we count today. And on two of those days, you were at some stage of inebriation." Holly paused, searching for the right words. Gail grimaced at where the conversation seemed to be hinting at.

"Gail, I wonder if the coping mechanism you use is healthy for you or your family."

Holly exhaled slowly. She seemed relieved the words were out but scared of Gail’s reaction. And she should be. Gail's lips were so drawn, Holly thought she saw her teeth. She looked furious.

"Are you kidding me right now, Holly?" Gail screamed without raising her voice.

"I didn't want to bring it up." Holly stumbled over the words, anguish in her voice. "But I'm worried about you. You don't seem happy."

"And you are the happiness guru?" Gail growled. "You have seen me for three days. But you have been M.I.A. for five years. Not to mention you are a forensic pathologist, not a damn psychiatrist."

"I get it." Holly mumbled. "But if you witnessed the same troubling behavior with me, you would say something." Her eyes implored Gail to understand. Gail nodded swiftly, even though her expression remained heated.

"You are right. I would say something. I should say something. Because I heard everything your girlfriend said to you. Your total lack of commitment when it comes to her is very concerning, Holly. You were never one to shy away from the connections in your life. You have this loving girlfriend who just wants to make a home and family with you, and where are you? With me. I think that's cause for concern."

Holly's expression went dead of emotions. It matched her tone perfectly. "Okay. I should not have said anything. This conversation is over."

Gail threw up her hands in frustration. "Of course that's what you do best. Walk away. Some things never change."

"Stop it Gail." Holly snapped. "Stop blaming me. I did not walk away. You told me to go."

"You were going to go anyway," Gail argued. "I could not have stopped you."

"But I wanted you to come with me!" Holly hands went into her hair as she turned from Gail. It always came back to their past, she thought, full of sorrow.

"I couldn't leave Sophie." Gail said. They were similar words to those she had spoken five years ago. Holly head dropped as she tried to steady her emotions.

"You couldn't leave Sophie," Holly repeated. “So you chose, Gail. You chose to stay here. I wasn't the one who walked away."

“What other choice did I have Holly?" Gail asked bitterly. "Tell you to stay when you so obviously wanted to go?”

"You don't know what I wanted, Gail.” Holly answered with the words she had always wanted to say. “We talked about it twice. We had longer conversations about the shows on our DVRs."

"So you wanted to talk. About what? How your eyes lit up when you told me about the job. How this was a step up for you?" Gail crossed her arms in defense as the memory of that night raised its ugly head. She remember being so happy to Holly and having it ripped away. She remembered waiting for emotions to calm before they talked about it. She could still her Holly's voice jump in excitement as they talked. Excitement she tried to hide. Excitement Gail never wanted her to hide.

"You are right. I told you to go." Gail walked in front of Holly. She wanted her to see the sincerity in her eyes.

"I let you go because it was San Francisco. A new job. A chance to be the boss. Be excited over something. You didn't have your dream here, Holly. I wanted you to have your dream."

"But I wanted you." Holly declared. Her eyes watered as they gazed into Gail's deep blues. "I wanted... I wanted the dream. But the dream included you." Holly shook her head as if trying to shake the bad memories. Her sad eyes eventually came back to Gail.

“Why we let this go?”

“You know why, Holly.” Gail pushed, "You know why. I know why. Chris knows why. Hell, your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend probably knows why.” Gail’s lips broke from their sad line to tilt upward in what looked like the beginnings of a smile. 

"There’s the Gail I miss." She gazed deeply at Gail. The fury was gone, replaced with regret.

"I miss you so much," she spoke softly. Holly took Gail's hands into hers, cradling them lovingly. Gail used her thumbs to caress the back of Holly's hand. The women looked at each other, letting their emotional history settled around them instead of in between them. 

"Don't be mad," Holly whispered as more of the space between them disappeared.

"I can't." Gail said just as quietly. Her words filled with an unspoken pain. "I can't let go of the anger Holly."

"Why?" Holly groaned. "I don't want you to be angry anymore. It's not good."

Gail's head twisted repeatedly from left to right. "You're wrong. My anger keeps me strong." She pulled her hands away from Holly.

"That's insane, Gail." Holly grabbed Gail's chin stilling their motion, connecting back with her eyes

"No it's survival," Gail rationalized." If I don't have the anger then I have is this." She pressed her hands to her chest. "All I have is regret. Mistrust. Uncertainty." Gail laid her forehead against Gail's. She closed her eyes hoping it could stem the growing emotions in her. 

"There is so much fear, Holly" Her eyes flew up and found Holly's. All she wanted to do was lose herself in them.

"Desire..." Gail felt herself falling, going against everything she thought was right for her. Her hands moved of their own accord to cup Holly's cheeks. As her thumbs caressed her lips, she heard Holly whimper. Gail bit her bottom.

"If I lose the anger, I could lose everything." Gail's voice grew thick with emotion.

She looked at Gail as an admirer would a work of art, taking in every part of her lovely face. Her entire body tingled with awareness. Her blood raced. She felt hot, but in a heavenly sort of way. She let herself become absorbed in Holly. And saw Holly become just as absorbed in her.

“But look at what we could gain.” Holly asked.

Holly wet her lips with her tongue as Gail leaned in towards her. Their lips met in a light caress that quickly deepened. Gail let loose a small moan which Holly felt on her lips. In the back of her mind, a screaming warning listing everything that could go wrong was silenced. Gail knew she was crossing a line. That she was breaking a promise that could never be fixed. But as Gail pulled Holly even closer, Gail no longer cared about the consequences.


End file.
